For 23 years, I’ve Found — poem

That life is grief in a gift box
how am i supposed to live when
moments of joy and happiness have found their own way
towards a door that appears suddenly and without warning
into another place where they’re called to be?

if you put me here for survival,
i think love should be more stable
and hearts should be more strong,
people should live forever
but that’s far too long
overall—
you want me to survive off water, food, and reproduction
to float on bloody water, be grateful for the blood
be thankful for the water

that’s not who i am
i wish it was the point to remain who you are